


Balance, Interrupted

by Progman



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Acceptance, Canon Disabled Character, Depression, Difficult Decisions, Full Moon, Gen, Identity Issues, Introspection, Isolation, Loss of Identity, Night Terrors, Not A Fix-It, Peace, Self-Acceptance, Self-Discovery, Spirit Guides, Spirit World, Spiritual, Spoilers for Book 3 - Change, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Wisdom, You Can't Fix Everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-07
Updated: 2014-09-07
Packaged: 2018-02-16 12:55:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2270544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Progman/pseuds/Progman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The world has told Korra, time and time again, that they don't need their Avatar anymore. Now, essentially stripped of her already weakened identity and purpose in life, she's starting to agree. Thankfully, the Spirit World has a knack for guiding the lost toward the right path, even if it needs a little help now and then.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Balance, Interrupted

**Author's Note:**

> This was so much fun to write after the finale of Book 3. I'd never considered writing fics for this universe, but after that, I felt I just needed to. 
> 
> Viacom owns everything, etc.
> 
> As Book 4 is so nearly upon us, I decided to cut the clearly non-canon pieces out of the story, cutting the length in half. I also adapted the story to take place just before Korra leaves on her journey of self discovery during the three year gap. I think this is a better story overall, actually. Yangchen, as it turned out, was the key.

"How do people find anything in the Spirit World?" grumbled Korra. She walked through a forest, which turned into a desert, and then a mountain all within twenty paces. She slapped her forehead and turned around, determined to find her starting point again.

Of course, because the spirits were often cruel with their pranks, she found herself in yet  _another_  forest.

Korra glared at a random tree and punched a dent in it.

The tree yelped in pain and grew a very hurt face. "Hey! What was that for?"

Korra pouted and looked at the tree. "Sorry. I didn't mean to take my anger out on you. It's just really hard for me to navigate the Spirit World. The geography doesn't make sense!"

"Wow, that sounds really frustrating. Apology accepted." The tree seemed to consider that for moment. "I don't think I can help with that, though. I've never had that problem."

"Oh? How do you find your way around?"

"I'm a tree. I don't move."

Korra rolled her eyes. "Right," she said through closed teeth.

She walked off deeper into the forest, eyes downcast. She thought she'd heard the tree wishing her good fortune, but she didn't care to turn around. She'd get lost again, and the thing was a  _tree._ Who cared what it thought? It was a  _tree._

It had taken her the better part of a month, but Korra had finally realized that nailing down her obstacle course wasn't actually possible. The Spirit World wasn't the most typical or consistent of places, so finding paths and landmarks that continued to exist even when one looked away had proven to be rather difficult. In truth, it had become impossible. The geography of the Spirit World changed every time she visited, but she supposed that was just her perception of it. Spirits might very well see their own world in a cohesive, logical manner. Her mortal, or rather pseudo-immortal, mind may be unable to comprehend it.

Korra wasn't an expert on spirituality in the first place, so she figured that trying to find logic and reason in a place where there wasn't any would end in madness. So, she decided to do what she did best.

Improvise.

Climb the mountain, swim in the lake, hop over rocks floating in an active volcano, and leap across the forest from top to bottom; it all felt good.

She was moving. That was the point. She could _move._

Korra threw herself up into the forest, bounding from branch to branch towards the top of the impressive treeline. Her loose dark hair broke through the leaves as she lept onto the peak of the tallest tree in the forest. She dug her heels into the hard oak, cracking the bark just enough to give her some traction, and kept her balance with her hands. After she was sure she could remain steady, she dropped one of her arms and looked over the forest.

It went on for eternity, from her perspective at least. It was beautiful. Flying spirits of all shapes and sizes made the sky their own, moving gracefully throughout the air. It looked like dancing. Even as the view above stunned her, so too did the sight below. Trees of all kinds, many breeds and shades she'd never seen before in the mortal world, populated the forest. Some hearty, some thin, some old, some gnarled and huge. A part of her wondered if they were simply native to to the Spirit World, or if they had once been part of her world long ago.

She closed her eyes and took a deep, long breath, basking in the light. The air smelled pure in the Spirit World, very much unlike the cold bite of the South Pole, or the coal-laced industry of Republic City.

Korra fought the urge to smile, to cling too tightly to the freedom and peace that this realm provided her. When she woke again, in Master Katara's home, she'd be a crippled invalid. An embarrassment. A failure. A burden unto others. Sleep was the only escape from that life she had left, and managing to enter the Spirit World while doing so was no easy task. She still wasn't sure exactly how she was doing it, but every instance came more naturally to her.

Korra sighed and began sliding down the massive mother tree, bobbing and weaving through layer upon layer of foliage until she landed gracefully onto the soft earth below. She leaned back against the tree trunk and sat down, holding her elbows atop her knees.

She absently flexed her arms, appreciating the prowess her body had once had. Peak physical fitness and flexibility. The Spirit World had allowed her to rebuild herself physically, though only there. In reality, her body in the physical world had degraded significantly since she'd defeated _them._  Korra knew it was vain to be more emotionally affected by muscular dystrophy than most of her other ailments, but she felt it just the same.

She had spent almost her entire life honing and molding herself into that physical state, solely because she was the Avatar, and the Avatar needed to be stronger than everyone else. Watching her shoulders slacken and her arms shrink day by day in the mirror had done nothing but push her deeper into her own head.

Master Katara had said that she'd been able to stop the worst of the poison's effects before it had done any permanent physical damage. Korra believed her, but it didn't make life in the material world any less strenuous.

"Wow, Korra. I'm impressed. I had no idea you could do this, too," said Jinora as she appeared through the brush. People always seemed to do that. Appear through the brush. It was always an elegant entrance, and Korra was a little envious of that. As much as she loved kicking doors down, she wished she could have the same effect by simply entering a room normally.

"Don't tell Tenzin," she grumbled in response. "He won't leave me alone if he knew I was spending my evenings here."

Jinora raised a brow and put a hand on her hip. It was an odd amalgamation of her old, self-assured personality and her predecessor's appearance. "If I told him that, then he'd probably assume I could too, wouldn't he? Then we'd both never hear the end of it."

"Good."

"So." Jinora took a few steps toward her, tilting her head curiously. "Meet any cool spirits?"

"I've run into Iroh about eight times now. A big black and white bear licked me, turned into a giant monster to swat away some dark spirits, and then licked me again as a bear. There was a dragon that followed me around like a lost polar bear dog pup for a while, but he's gone now. A big angry owl kicked me out of an upside down castle _._ Pbbth, I know more than _ten thousand things._  Stupid bird," she grumbled, kicking the dirt with a strong pout. She blinked, and then rolled to her feet, perfectly poised.

"Sounds like you've been all over," whistled Jinora.

Korra took a cleansing breath and effortlessly brought herself into a perfect handstand. "I guess so. You'd be the one to know, since I rarely find the same place twice." She grunted as she lifted one arm off of the ground, balancing on one hand. Flawless form. "It's all beautiful, though, so I'm not complaining. Much."

Jinora raised her brows. "Korra, wow, I think you're in better shape here than you ever were back home."

Korra scoffed. "This is nothing. I once did this for two hours." She slowly bent her arm, bringing her closer to the soil. "In the middle of the night. During a blizzard. Naked," she said with a smirk. "Part of my earthbending training, actually. I had to learn how to ground myself to the earth in any and all conditions." She pushed on her arm and raised back up. Down, up, down, up, down, up.

"Really?"

"No. I'd catch hypothermia and die." She switched arms. "I had my clothes on, thank you very much."

Jinora laughed and sat down against the mother tree. She was quiet for a few minutes as Korra continued her exercises. It was a comfortable silence. They'd grown close enough to afford that luxury. "You know, most people don't enter the Spirit World without a reason, Korra," she said, barely masking her concerned tone.

"I'm not most people."

"You're right, you're not. It's just that, once I knew you'd been coming here-"

Korra narrowed her eyes. She flipped onto her feet and looked down at the girl. "How long have you known I've been doing this?"

"About a week. Your spiritual energy is very strong and distinct, especially here. Look, Korra, we're all worried about you. I can't help you very much in the physical world, since you're halfway across the world, but I felt like, maybe, I could help you here."

Korra sighed and rubbed her face with her palm. "Okay, Jinora, why do you think I'm here every night instead of dreaming?"

"My first guess would be that you're trying to find my grandfather."

"For once, no, I am not. I can move here. That's all," she said firmly.

Jinora shook her head confidently. "No, it's not. There's something more. No one comes here on a whim, Korra. You'd need a very strong reason and will to come here while sleeping, at first. I know that from experience."

"Well, I'm the Avatar, so I guess it works differently for me."

Jinora gave her the most unamused look she'd ever seen. It overshadowed Tenzin's own by quite a bit.

"Okay, fine." She stomped her foot, balling her hands into fists at her sides. "Yes, there was a good reason. There still is. I think it's a little too...much for you right now, though. You're not old enough yet."

Jinora hopped to her feet with a confident glare. "Korra! I'm an _airbending master._ I have personally saved your life.  _Twice._ And one of those times I projected myself and the spirit of  _light itself_ _through two planes of existence and halfway across the planet_  just to help you. I am old enough!"

Korra held out her ends in defense, her eyes growing wide. "I see your point." She took a deep breath and leaned back against the tree. "You're right. I'm in here for a strong reason, and honestly I don't know how I'm doing it in the first place." She looked up through the leaves, admiring their beauty in the back of her mind. "I wasn't lying when I said it wasn't about your grandfather." She crossed her arms and closed her eyes. "You know how I told your dad over the radio my nightmares stopped a few weeks ago?"

"Yeah?" Jinora lowered her head, realizing what she'd meant. "Oh."

"Yeah. They didn't. I'm here out of desperation. Out of weakness," she spat, the words bitter and venomous as they left her mouth. "I can't sleep peacefully unless I'm hiding from my own head."

"Korra, I'm so sorry."

Korra shrugged. "I'm well aware that the world has no place for its Avatar anymore. I don't need to be violently reminded of that _every single night for the rest of my life,"_  she growled. "How's the Earth Kingdom going, by the way? I'll bet you guys are way better at my job than I ever was," she said, not even trying to hide the hatred and resentment in her voice. She balled her hands into fists and resisted the urge to spit fire. She was in the Spirit World. She couldn't if she wanted to.

Jinora kept a level head and tone. "It's only temporary, Korra. You know that."

"It's not. You know it's not. I know it's not. It just hasn't been explicitly said, Jinora." Korra felt the rage in her belly grow and she quickly calmed herself as the forest around her began to twist into something dark. It reverted to normal, thankfully.

Jinora stared at her for a long time. She stood up and looked off into the distance. "Did you ever find the Tree of Time again, Korra?"

"No. Why? Should I have? I assumed it could only be found during Harmonic Convergence."

Jinora grabbed her hand. "It can be found, but only if you look hard enough. I want to try something, and I think it'll help."

"Help? I...I don't think I can handle any more false hope, Jinora."

"Trust me." she said, looking up at her. "Please?"

Korra's expression softened. It was hard to say no to Jinora, considering she was so much wiser than herself. "Okay. I'll give it a try. How do we get there?"

"That's the great thing about the Spirit World. With an experienced guide..." she jabbed her thumb into her chest with a big smile. " _..._ you can just _get there_."

Time and space seemed to bend and slither around Korra as her vision blurred. She lost all sense of place and grounding for a moment as Jinora moved them through the interwoven tapestry of the realm toward their destination. As her vision returned, Korra saw it all.

Two open spirit portals, their light brilliant and eternal, bursting into the sky. Between them, the Tree of Time. Gnarled and even more ancient than the landscape surrounding it. It hadn't changed at all, which didn't surprise her.

"That was amazing, Jinora. I would have preferred to take the long way, but..." Korra allowed herself to smile, if only a little. "Thank you."

"Anytime. Now go get in the tree and meditate."

Korra walked up to the huge tree and rubbed her hand over the smooth bark. "I, uh, don't think I need to _bend my inner spirit_  right now, Jinora. I don't have anything to fight that requires me to become pure energy and twenty stories tall."

"That's not why we're here." Jinora moved beside her. "I want you to try and remember."

"Anything specific?"

"Everything."

"That's the exact opposite of specific, Jinora."

"Everything about _your past lives,_  Korra. I think the tree can help you do that."

Korra slowly looked up at the tree, her thoughts racing faster than she could catch them. It didn't seem possible, but then again, Tenzin had said that the Tree of Time remembered all. It knew everything. Every memory. Every event. "I think you might be right," she said, a hint of hope leaking through her voice. "But why? Even if it works, and I'm not saying it will, what's the point?" Korra looked at her, her eyes betraying just how broken down she truly was. "The world doesn't need me anymore."

Jinora groaned, her shoulders slacking in frustration. "Will you stop saying that? And thinking that? And feeling that way? It's stupid! It's dumb! It doesn't make any sense!" She waved her arms. "You don't think there won't _ever_  be another huge crisis? Maybe not in your lifetime, but there will be eventually! There always is!" Jinora began pushing Korra up the tree. "It doesn't have to be a tyrant, or a terrorist, or a being of pure evil to demand the Avatar's attention! What about natural disasters?! And so what if we don't _need_  you? We still _want_  you around, Korra! You can still help!"

Korra hoisted herself up into the heart of the tree. "Okay, I get it! I'll try! I can't promise anything else." She sat down in the center of it, just as she had done before. She took a deep breath, moved her legs into a lotus, and focused. Calming her mind, her body.

Everything.

* * *

 

Korra felt weightless. She opened her eyes to find herself bathed in darkness, staring at nothing at all. That was new. Normally, she saw _something._  Herself, another Avatar, a larger version of her inner self, visions. Anything, really. She felt disappointed, as she'd let the tiny glimmer of hope get to her.

"I guess it was worth a try. At least I remember a little about my past lives. Even if it is from historical records." she whispered.

"The truth is often less impressive than what history records, Korra."

Korra's eyes widened as spiritual projection of a bearded airbender wavered and appeared before her. "...Aang? How? This is impossible. Memories and spirits aren't...they aren't the same."

"Are you doubting my granddaughter's gifts?" he asked teasingly. "This is true, though. They are not the same, and I am not truly Aang." He rubbed his chin. "More accurately, I'm a manifestation of all of his thoughts and memories combined into an approximation of who he was."

Korra bowed her head. "Oh."

Aang shifted into an old, long bearded firebender. "Though then you must ask yourself what a person is, if not all their thoughts and memories? Is there a difference, and if so, does it truly matter?"

Korra furrowed her brow. "Roku. I suppose you have a point. Maybe that's all a past life truly is to the Avatar. Thoughts and memories. Even if the originals are gone..."

Roku shifted into a beautiful woman with a warrior's paint and golden fans at her sides. "The soul, the very essence of who they were, still remains. As does their wealth of experience. In truth, there is no meaningful distinction. We are with you just as we always have been. Unchanged and unwavering."

Korra felt herself smile. As much as she'd sought out Aang for guidance and wisdom, she'd always admired Kyoshi the most. She, much like herself, was a warrior at heart. "If that's true, then I want you to prove it. Don't simply vanish into the next guy. Stay here and speak with me, Avatar Kyoshi."

Kyoshi seemed to consider this for a moment. "I cannot. Your connection with your past lives will be delayed. What you are accomplishing now is a miracle. We can always speak another time."

"Please. I need this. Just in case we can't."

"It is not up to me, though I suppose, just in case, know this, Korra: Balance and peace are temporary, but the Avatar is not," she said as she vanished and shifted into a large waterbender.

"Kuruk! I didn't mean to offend you," Korra said bashfully. "I value your guidance as well."

Kuruk laughed heartily. "Don't worry about it, Korra. I'm just happy to see you're doing better." He reminded her of her father, in some ways. Powerful, loyal, and loving. However, unlike Tonraq, Kuruk was a bit absentminded, but everyone had their faults.

He vanished and, in his place, an elegant air nomad sat before her, her long dark hair punctuated by the mark of an airbending master.

"Who are you?" she asked.

Korra blinked and hesitated at the question. Wasn't it obvious? "I'm the Avatar."

Yangchen only smiled. "And yet that is not all that you are. So, I'll ask you again. Who are  _you,_ Korra?"

Before she could answer, she vanished, becoming a stern looking firebender. The question was unsettling, and yet timely. She felt she should know the answer, but wasn't angry with herself that she didn't.

One by one, her past lives appeared to her, shifting in and out of existence as they added their own pieces to the puzzle. The procession felt as if it were going faster and faster until it became an incredible blur. A burst of light as their numbers grew. Then, as if he had been there all along, Avatar Wan appeared before her, cocky smile and all.

"Wow, is there anything you _can't_  do?"

"Apparently not."

"Never give up, Korra. No matter what, promise me that. _"_

Korra felt tears pool in the corner of her eyes. "I promise. I'll never give up."

* * *

 

Korra's eyes snapped open. She slowly got to her feet, resting a hand on the inner trunk of the tree, and looked out at the southern portal. She cleared her mind and focused her breath, tapping into Raava's light. Her eyes glowed white and she felt a surge of knowledge, ancient, divine and her birthright, flow through her. She smiled, her heart swelling with pride.

"Well? Did it work?!" asked Jinora, hope and excitement bursting out of her.

Korra smiled wider and nodded. She took one step out of the tree and then, without warning, all of the knowledge was stripped away from her. Vanished. Her eyes lost their light, and the sheer metaphysical shock of having her connection severed again made her lose control of her body. She fell helplessly out of the trunk, sliding and rolling down the tree and onto the ground below, collapsing in a heap.

"Korra!" Jinora rushed over to her in a panic and tried lifting her back on her feet. "What happened? What's wrong?"

Korra's entire body shook as she broke into shuddering sobs, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Why?!" She smashed her fists against the ground and roared in pain. "Why tease me like that?!" Korra got to her feet and turned to glare at the massive tree, focusing all of her hate, frustration and rage into it. "Why put me through that pain all over again?!" The muscles in her arms and back twitched madly. All she wanted to do was burn it. Burn it all down. " _What was the point?!_ "

Jinora stared at her, baffled and scared. "Korra..."

Korra snapped her head to her, eyes flashing white for the briefest of moments. "It _worked,_  Jinora. It _actually worked!"_  She sliced a pointed finger at the tree. "But only if I stay within the tree. The moment I leave _I los_ _e_ _it all over again."_  She was bearing teeth. She needed to fight something. Destroy it, utterly. Vent her rage.

The world began to quickly darken around her, reacting to her negative emotional state. Bright colors were transformed into smeared blacks, purples and deep navy blues. Rocks cracked beneath her, the hard eternal earth eroding. The darkness, the hatred, spread faster and faster, and then suddenly stopped.

Jinora hugged her desperately, whispering a thousand different apologies. Korra hugged her back, shuddering as her tears returned. The darkness receded and life bloomed once more. They stayed like that for a long time, Korra wasn't sure how long. She didn't care.

"...that tree has a sick sense of humor," mumbled Korra, pouting.

"I'm so sorry, Korra. I only made things worse."

Korra shook her head and hugged her friend tighter. "No, you didn't. Jinora, you helped. You really did. I was able to speak with my past lives again, if only briefly. Kyoshi said it was a miracle, and I honestly agree." She got down on one knee so they were the same height, forcing a sad smile. "Your grandfather is _so_  proud of you and he loves you very much. You're a brilliant young woman, Jinora."

Aang had said no such thing, but she knew Jinora deserved to hear it once in her life. From someone who wasn't her father. From the source, even if it was a white lie.

Jinora smiled from ear to ear. "I know. It's nice to hear it for once, though."

Korra snickered and then broke out into a hearty laugh. She couldn't remember the last time she actually laughed. Truly and honestly. She wrapped her friend in another hug and smiled. "Be careful out there, okay? I miss you guys." She pouted. "Even if you are stealing my job."

* * *

 

Korra's eyes snapped open and she quickly realized that she was no longer in the Spirit World. Though, for the first time in months, it didn't sadden her. The sharp cold of the South Pole filled her room, and it felt like home again. She carefully sat up in her bed. She looked out her window to see a full moon, and some part of her felt as though Yue was smiling down at her from above.

_Balance and peace are temporary, but the Avatar is not._

Korra furrowed her brow and licked the inside of her lips. She took a deep breath and huffed out small bursts of fire from her mouth, warming herself with light and vigor. Fire was life. Energy.

The last time she bended was when she smashed Zaheer into the ground. She hadn't even tried since then. She wished that would've killed him.

_Who are you?_

_I'm the Avatar._

_And yet that is not all that you are._

She held out her palms and produced two balls of flame. She brought them close to her eyes, watching them flicker and burn in the bright moonlight, and willed them larger. More powerful. More lively. She extinguished one and began tossing the fire between both palms, playing with it. It felt good. It felt _right._

She held the fire in one hand and slowly drew water from the snow outside her window. She made it flow around the fire in long, elegant arcs. Then, Korra reached out to the earth, bringing a dozen pebbles to her free hand. She wrapped them around the fire and water, spinning continuously in an unbroken circle. Finally, she blew a gentle current of wind into her hand, wrapping it all up in a sphere of air.

Fire, Earth, Air and Water all concentrated in one place. Balanced within her.

 _So what if we don't_  need _you anymore? We still_  want _you around, Korra._

 _Who are_ you,  _Korra?_

Korra stared into her hand, searching for the answer. It wasn't there. It wasn't anywhere. All she could think of was 'the Avatar', but she felt, for once, that wasn't quite right. Not because of her failures, or her shortcomings, but because…

"...that's not all that I am. I'm more than that." She took a deep breath. "I'm a guardian of Republic City. I was a peacemaker to the Water Tribes. I changed the world forever. I'm a Pro-Bending Champion, or, well I  _should_ be. No, that's…" She pouted and shook her head. "That's not right, either," she whispered.

Korra didn't have an easy answer, and she felt a little more hollow inside. The  _Avatar_  had accomplished all of those things. She let go, her bending fading away. Fire vanished, pebbles fell, water splashed and air rejoined the wind.

What had  _she_ done?

Who was Korra?

She didn't know, and she wanted to curl up into a ball and go back to the spirit world, where she could run again and not have to think about these kinds of things.

Korra felt the moon pull at her, almost caressing her as her mother often did, and suddenly, she felt reassured that the answer wouldn't elude her for long.

She was going to find out who she was, not as a the Avatar, but as a person.

As Korra, of the Southern Water Tribe, and nothing more.

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT 10/9/14: HOLY FUCKING SHIT I WAS RIGHT! SORT OF!
> 
> SHE USED THE TREE OF TIME FOR LITERALLY THIS!
> 
> I'm freaking out. I can't even handle it.


End file.
